When we found out that I was pregnant with Mason, we were completely uninformed.
Not about getting pregnant, that part we had figured out pretty easily.
Not about giving birth, I had sat through enough sex ed classes to figure out the general idea there.
We were ignorant about the miracle.
Everyone talks about "the miracle of birth", but what I think they are forgetting is just the miracle of how a human is created.
Not the sex part...c'mon now.
I mean how a tiny little cell can change into little hands, feet, eyes, nose, etc.
We didn't understand that miracle, until we understood that it isn't always as miraculous as you expect.
When we had Mason's 20 week ultrasound, we went into it thinking it was when we got to find out his gender.
That much was true, but we were missing the point.
The reality is that the 20 week ultrasound is to determine if your little cell has transformed into a healthy baby, a viable pregnancy as they call it, or if your baby has some kind of defect (sometimes plural) that can make it difficult, even impossible, for them to survive.
With Mason's ultrasound, we heard the reality check bell loud and clear.
IT'S A BOY!
That was all we heard at first.
Then we saw the doctor.
There's something on his heart.
It's this little white dot here.
It's seen as an indicator of downs syndrome.
We're going to send you to a specialist.
Then suddenly...it wasn't just a boy. It was overwhelmingly not just a boy.
That story for Mason ended as we had hoped, but not necessarily as I had imagined at the time.
The little white spot on Mason's heart was not an indicator of downs syndrome, but instead just a little extra muscle tissue buildup that would go away on its' own.
Going into this 2nd pregnancy, I had been unable to forget that day back in 2012, when everything I thought was "normal" suddenly became something you were lucky to have. An ultrasound without any warning signs, complications, indicators.
I will never forget that day, and I never will, and I'm glad for that.
It opened my eyes to the fact that just because you get pregnant, does not mean you automatically get signed up for the perfect pregnancy, perfect healthy baby, perfect end result.
We had baby #2's ultrasound this week.
I considered blogging about it beforehand, but I've never been able to do that.
Not just blog; talk about it.
I didn't even want people to know we were going in, because then I knew they'd want to know how it went, and I didn't want to have to tell them if it wasn't good until I was ready.
We went to the ultrasound clinic and I felt as though a totally different expectant mother was walking in.
We didn't want to know the gender.
I don't care to know the gender, especially at that appointment.
That appointment is not about the gender. It's about indicators.
I sat through the exam with my eyes trained to the screen.
Watching every click of the mouse, every measurement.
Every second that the ultrasound technician lingered on a specific section of baby's body longer than another, I looked to her face to see if there was concern.
She was patient. Kind. Not knowing our history, yet somehow seeming to know that I needed an explanation.
Now I'm just simply measuring the baby's head.
Everything is looking just fine.
Eventually I dropped the hints. I had to. I told her about Mason's ultrasound. She zoomed in on baby's heart and I wanted to know if those white spots were there.
I didn't notice them the first time...too consumed with whether or not baby had boy or girl parts. This time I knew.
This baby is not showing any EIF (Echogenic intracardiac foci).
No EIF. Okay, we passed that part.
She explained the other measurements.
Looking for the bridge of baby's nose.
Upper lip.
Measuring limbs.
4 chamber heart.
The list went on and on, and I soaked it all in, mentally checking off the list of things I knew were worrisome.
Towards the end she took a double screen shot of the baby's heart and stomach.
I need to show the radiologist that the heart and stomach are on the same side of the body.
The same side of the body?
Is that normal?
Yes, that is what is normal.
Then I just burst out with it...I cannot believe all of the things that have to come into place exactly right in order for babies to develop correctly.
The ultrasound technician smiled and said, Yes. It's quite amazing. It's honestly a miracle how that happens.
And it is.
I double-checked my ultrasound report when it was uploaded today to my chart.
The exact wording is "The Ultrasound Results Are Normal"
Sweeter words have never been read.
Literally, had never been read by this momma, until today.
It makes me think about all of the other mommas out there who will have ultrasounds that don't have that wording.
I was one once, but at least my story had a happy ending.
And then you realize that you should never ever take for granted...
Ten little fingers.
Ten little toes.
Laurel