I can tell you exactly when I figured out that I was not meant to be a full time stay-at-home mom.
The easy answer would be, when we discovered our little baby Mason had colic and screamed for 14 hours a day.
That would be the easy answer, but it's not the correct one.
It wasn't something engrained in my childhood either.
My mom stayed home with us when we were very little.
Nope, it wasn't any of those things, but I know exactly when it happened.
I used to be a camp counselor when I was in college.
It was seriously THE BEST job a college student could ever have.
Free room & board at a wilderness camp for the entire summer (plus a small paycheck every two weeks).
Lake swimming, saunas, hanging out with tons of other college aged kids from around the state/country/world.
Not to mention, getting to share that experience with a whole range of kids who would come for overnight camp every week.
I loved overnight camp. I would bond with my kids, we'd share stories, campfires, games of "Capture the Flag". At the end of the week we'd all say our goodbyes and intend on staying in touch, even though we rarely did.
When the kids were at overnight camp I had them in my care for 24 hours a day, 5 days in a row, and I loved it.
They were all so full of energy, intelligent, funny. Every once in a while you got a rotten egg in the bunch, but otherwise it was usually an overall awesome experience.
The second year that I worked at summer camp, I became a daycamp leader.
Our overnight wilderness camp would send small groups of counselors to little towns in the northern-most point of our state and have them teach daily vacation bible school in a local church. They were almost always small towns, small churches, and the age group was opposite of our overnight camp groups. Daycamp consisted of kids usually around Pre-K age, sometimes as high as 4th grade.
It was then and there, that I realized I was not meant to be a stay at home mom.
It's not that something specifically horrible happened that traumatized me for life.
I just realized in that experience that some women are built to love staying home with their kids every day, and some women are not.
I dont' think it makes me a bad mom that I'm built differently, just as I don't think it means women who love staying home with their kids are bad people either.
As I sat through these weeks of VBS, I hated everything about it.
Our day was structured pretty similary to a daycare, now that I have a child in daycare and can make a fair comparison.
There was morning sing-a-long time, craft time, snack time, "rest time" where the kids watched a Christian-based movie for a half hour, etc.
I hated it.
My mind literally felt like it was melting.
I couldn't understand it.
I LOVED the overnight camp experience.
I loved the little kids, they were by-far way cuter than the elementary school/middle school/high school kids we hosted at overnight camp, AND I didn't have to deal with them for 24 hours straight.
I still don't completely understand what it was about the experience that wasn't for me.
LIke I said, I just wasn't built for that.
I also distinctly remember thinking to myself at the time, is this what it would be like if I was a stay-at-home mom?
There is no clear answer to that question Every stay-at-home mom has a different schedule, routine, etc than every other, just as every working mom has a different schedule than every other.
I know some working moms who don't get home from work until 5 or 6pm.
I happen to get home every day around 3:30pm.
I call it my happy-medium.
Though I know I wouldn't be able to feel completely fulfilled in life if I was home with Mason 24 hours a day, I also didn't want to feel like I was missing his entire day for 5 days out of the week.
This way I pick him up from daycare right after he wakes up from his afternoon nap, and we have 4 straight hours of playtime, dinnertime, reading time, snuggling time before he heads off to bed.
I know what you're probably thinking.
THOSE DAYCAMP KIDS WEREN'T YOUR KID!
Yes, I realize that. I also know that spending a day at home with Mason is way more enjoyable than any other child I've ever spent the day with in my life.
And there was a point in time when my hormones told me I felt the opposite about this situation.
It was the week before I had to go back to work after he was born, and the week after I went back, and the week after that.
There was a pretty rough month where everything in my body SCREAMED that I should be at home with my baby and not at work. But then after a while, the feeling subsided. I started to realize that I still felt the same way I did before I had Mason. I would have random days off when daycare was closed, Mason was a little under the weather, etc, and I'd spend a weekday home with my little boy. I loved it. I still love those days. But I also know, as much as I love them, I know I couldn't have them every single day.
It's not him....it's me, but I don't think it's selfish.
I think every woman who decides to become a mommy should always strive to be the absolute best mommy that she can be.
For some mom's (like me) being the best mom you can be means not being a stay at home mom.
I'm still a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week till the day they bury me in the ground...but I have social & intellectual needs that require feeding from experiences outside of my little nest.
My point in all of this is, that a lot of people see choosing to stay at home or choosing to work outside of the home as very black and white, and also very based on people's selfish desires.
She only went back to work because they couldn't afford to only have one income.
She refuses to go back to work because she won't let anyone else watch their kids, but now they can't afford to do anything.
Side Note: there are a lot of women who don't get to make the choice.
For financial reasons they either have to go back to work after kids, or can't go back because daycare is more expensive than their income.
But for those of us who had the luxury of deciding for ourselves whether to go back to work or stay home, it's not always based on selfish choices.
The easy answer would be, when we discovered our little baby Mason had colic and screamed for 14 hours a day.
That would be the easy answer, but it's not the correct one.
It wasn't something engrained in my childhood either.
My mom stayed home with us when we were very little.
Nope, it wasn't any of those things, but I know exactly when it happened.
I used to be a camp counselor when I was in college.
It was seriously THE BEST job a college student could ever have.
Free room & board at a wilderness camp for the entire summer (plus a small paycheck every two weeks).
Lake swimming, saunas, hanging out with tons of other college aged kids from around the state/country/world.
Not to mention, getting to share that experience with a whole range of kids who would come for overnight camp every week.
I loved overnight camp. I would bond with my kids, we'd share stories, campfires, games of "Capture the Flag". At the end of the week we'd all say our goodbyes and intend on staying in touch, even though we rarely did.
When the kids were at overnight camp I had them in my care for 24 hours a day, 5 days in a row, and I loved it.
They were all so full of energy, intelligent, funny. Every once in a while you got a rotten egg in the bunch, but otherwise it was usually an overall awesome experience.
The second year that I worked at summer camp, I became a daycamp leader.
Our overnight wilderness camp would send small groups of counselors to little towns in the northern-most point of our state and have them teach daily vacation bible school in a local church. They were almost always small towns, small churches, and the age group was opposite of our overnight camp groups. Daycamp consisted of kids usually around Pre-K age, sometimes as high as 4th grade.
It was then and there, that I realized I was not meant to be a stay at home mom.
It's not that something specifically horrible happened that traumatized me for life.
I just realized in that experience that some women are built to love staying home with their kids every day, and some women are not.
I dont' think it makes me a bad mom that I'm built differently, just as I don't think it means women who love staying home with their kids are bad people either.
As I sat through these weeks of VBS, I hated everything about it.
Our day was structured pretty similary to a daycare, now that I have a child in daycare and can make a fair comparison.
There was morning sing-a-long time, craft time, snack time, "rest time" where the kids watched a Christian-based movie for a half hour, etc.
I hated it.
My mind literally felt like it was melting.
I couldn't understand it.
I LOVED the overnight camp experience.
I loved the little kids, they were by-far way cuter than the elementary school/middle school/high school kids we hosted at overnight camp, AND I didn't have to deal with them for 24 hours straight.
I still don't completely understand what it was about the experience that wasn't for me.
LIke I said, I just wasn't built for that.
I also distinctly remember thinking to myself at the time, is this what it would be like if I was a stay-at-home mom?
There is no clear answer to that question Every stay-at-home mom has a different schedule, routine, etc than every other, just as every working mom has a different schedule than every other.
I know some working moms who don't get home from work until 5 or 6pm.
I happen to get home every day around 3:30pm.
I call it my happy-medium.
Though I know I wouldn't be able to feel completely fulfilled in life if I was home with Mason 24 hours a day, I also didn't want to feel like I was missing his entire day for 5 days out of the week.
This way I pick him up from daycare right after he wakes up from his afternoon nap, and we have 4 straight hours of playtime, dinnertime, reading time, snuggling time before he heads off to bed.
I know what you're probably thinking.
THOSE DAYCAMP KIDS WEREN'T YOUR KID!
Yes, I realize that. I also know that spending a day at home with Mason is way more enjoyable than any other child I've ever spent the day with in my life.
And there was a point in time when my hormones told me I felt the opposite about this situation.
It was the week before I had to go back to work after he was born, and the week after I went back, and the week after that.
There was a pretty rough month where everything in my body SCREAMED that I should be at home with my baby and not at work. But then after a while, the feeling subsided. I started to realize that I still felt the same way I did before I had Mason. I would have random days off when daycare was closed, Mason was a little under the weather, etc, and I'd spend a weekday home with my little boy. I loved it. I still love those days. But I also know, as much as I love them, I know I couldn't have them every single day.
It's not him....it's me, but I don't think it's selfish.
I think every woman who decides to become a mommy should always strive to be the absolute best mommy that she can be.
For some mom's (like me) being the best mom you can be means not being a stay at home mom.
I'm still a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week till the day they bury me in the ground...but I have social & intellectual needs that require feeding from experiences outside of my little nest.
My point in all of this is, that a lot of people see choosing to stay at home or choosing to work outside of the home as very black and white, and also very based on people's selfish desires.
She only went back to work because they couldn't afford to only have one income.
She refuses to go back to work because she won't let anyone else watch their kids, but now they can't afford to do anything.
Side Note: there are a lot of women who don't get to make the choice.
For financial reasons they either have to go back to work after kids, or can't go back because daycare is more expensive than their income.
But for those of us who had the luxury of deciding for ourselves whether to go back to work or stay home, it's not always based on selfish choices.
XOXO,
Laurel
Laurel